I get so irritated with people who can’t take the truth or try to call me stupid and other unnecessary names. Like freal, I have evidence and I can prove I’m alot better than what you think, so don’t try me.
my bathroom is literally two steps away from my room
i thought i heard people whipsering and shit omg
This just happened to me like 5 min ago. .__.
Walls are going back up. I’m going to be how I first was when I wasn’t with you. I hate having to feel that I’m in a competition to keep you. I hate having that feeling that I have to do what you want just to keep you. I just hate how I feel on the inside. I appreciate how you pretty much have all your attention on me and continue to try to show me how you feel about me and such, really, I’m happy with you, but I just hate feeling this way about myself, over what happened between you and those other girls. It sucks. It’s the words you said to me while bragging about them, I know we weren’t together at that time, but jeez, it still hurt. You made me feel like shit, like really. You said you hated me, regretted being with me, regretted everything we did together, and kept talking so highly about all the females you were with. I lost my self-worth because of it. So, as of now, I sigh. I’m going to just gonna go back to how I used to be. Conservative, strong, independent. I know I haven’t cried ina while, but you don’t know how much pain I feel on the inside, I get choked up around you, but I tell myself not to show you because I don’t need you to see how weak I am, even though you seen how weak I was before. I can’t help how I feel and I can’t help how your past was. All I can do is try to move on, but I can’t. I really can’t. It’s so hard to let go of the things you’ve said to me, even though I know you didn’t mean it, it just hurt me, and to this day, it still does. *sighhh.
Recent: I really don’t like this feeling. But I can’t really do anything to change it. So.. Sucks for me.
I know why, but it’s hard to explain. Oh wells.
Regardless of what has happened. I mean, yeh it affects me, but what can I do? I can’t change what he’s done over the course of two years, I can’t change how he copes with his anger, but relationships consists of two, not one. I have to realize I can’t always have it my way, because sometimes, his way is better or right. I have to just let him do what he needs to while I work on how I cope with the past. It ain’t easy, but can you blame me? All that stuff that he said and did, I shoulda learned, but I love him and that’s why I’m still here. We both have flaws but it’s our job to fix them and make ourselves better. I’m waiting on the finer things, no more delays, but damn it still stings just thinking about it all..
but what can you do about it? I’ve thought pretty deep about it and you know what? I’m not too bothered by it, surprisingly. I mean, damn, yehh it does bother me, shiit, name someone who wouldn’t be bothered when in this typa situation, yaknow? But honestly, all that’s stuck in my head is the fact that you and I love each other and that, to me, is a good enough reason to stick around. Despite the contemplation I went through, it’s kinda whatever. We’ve been through alot so this situation is just kinda small compared to everything else. Well, like I told you, we’ll talk about it tmrw. Just know that I’m willing to help you get over it and that I really am happy, even though it is a bit bothersome.
There is NOTHING I can do to change the past. The best thing I can do is stand strong, push forward, and be better than them. I may not be the most attractive or most amazing, but I can tell you this; I know I can and will be the best you ever had.
I’m taking that risk and letting the past go. No more bringing it up unless it really is that bothersome and/or until were done settling it. I’m happy he’s around now. The past shouldn’t affect how I feel about him because I know he’s changed. He’s shown it through, not only words, but actions. He didn’t gimme that ring for no reason. He didn’t come back for no reason. He wouldn’t have tried as hard as he did to be with me again for no reason. He says I’m in good hands and all I can say is, just take care of me. He’s had my heart since day one, it never left him. I have to admit, I’m in love with him and he makes me happy, so that’s all that should matter. As long as he can continue to prove that I’m the only female he wants, and that he won’t hurt me and that he loves me, then we should be fine.
070108 to infinity. <3
I’m never going to let my past affect me and my future. Even though I’ve been through some of the worst things in my past, I’m not going to let it affect how I am feeling about my future. We all go through things we think we can’t handle, but all in all, we always get through it and learn that we are strong individuals. 2011, you tested and put me through so many trials, overall though, I’m glad I went through it. I’ve realized so much. There is no reason to dread over what horrible things have happened, simply because the future always has better things in store. I feel that there shouldn’t be anything stopping you from getting to where you wanna be, especially if it’s the past. Whatever though. Starting NOW, I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure I stay happy. I know ima be going through obstacles, but ima just keep my head high and stay smiling.
